Yesterday was the day of doubleheaders and no one had a bigger doubleheader…Damn it, Darren Aronofsky, all I can think about is Jennifer Connelly in Requiem for a Dream! Seriously, he ruined me for not only any mention of doubleheaders but I just hear the word “double” and I start to think I know where the sentence is going and it’s never going where I think. I should not be at In ‘n Out and hear “Double-Double” and start sweating! Anyway, the biggest doubleheader double donger yesterday was Riley Greene (2-for-7, 6 RBIs and his 20th and 21st homer). He homered in three straight games up until the 1st game of the doubleheader, and he had a home run stolen in the 2nd game of the doubleheader by Jacob Young, which is not cool. Fielders, being they are also hitters, should have more sympathy for other hitters and let them homer if they homer. Wish Greene would steal more, but that is a small quibble with his season. He’s basically been what I wanted from Teoscar. Though, with his speed he could be like James Wood. Or [smiles in ecstasy] Wooscar. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Spencer Torkelson – 3-for-8, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, two homers in the last six games. He’s showing you what you’re Tork’ing with!
Zach McKinstry – 4-for-8, 2 runs. The McKinstry of Sound has been a hot schmotato.
Jack Flaherty – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.84. Nothing like watching a guy to see if he can be trusted again, then he throws the most meh start you can imagine. Five innings and three runs? What does that mean?!
Yanquiel Fernandez – 0-for-3 as he was recalled. Yesterday, Itch went over his Yanquiel Fernandez fantasy for this year. Itch said this in the offseason, “6’2″ 198 lbs with a swift left-handed swing, Fernandez generates impressive power but managed just 12 home runs in 122 games this season because he swings at everything. The approach punished him in 33 Triple-A games, during which he slashed .211/.268/.313 with two home runs and 28 strikeouts. An adjustment period at new levels has been pretty typical for Fernandez, so I’d expect him to play much better at Triple-A this season and set himself up for an early promotion, where he’d probably struggle for a while. Just as I struggle with not plotting the overthrow of Grey.” You can’t overthrow someone as benevolent as me! Itch basically nails the good and bad on Yanquiel. He hit 13 HRs this year in 64 games, so the power is there, but he swings at everything so he’s gonna hit .230 or lower and has no speed. I’m excited in NL-Only, but, meh, in mixed leagues except as a streamer in Coors, if he’s playing.
Mickey Moniak – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. Here’s my feelings on Moniak: I love that he’s hitting well, but that I’m relying on him highlights how bad my team is. We should have a glossary term for this phenomenon. Suggest in the comments.
Mitch Keller – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.64. He has 12 Quality Starts, which is only two off the MLB leader. He is the Quality Start Machine aka QSM, which sounds like a electronica DJ. “Nothing better for enjoyment-time than QSM’s great single, Vindthimes!” That’s a German fan of QSM’s song, Windchimes.
Sonny Gray – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.51. Check out his home/away splits sometime. Things become more clear on Gray. Him/not me, those are my pronouns.
Mick Abel – 1 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.04. Give us Painter!
Cristopher Sanchez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.68. Philly has four aces.
Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-8 and his 26th homer, hitting .247. He had the worst June of his career, and is having arguably the best season of his career. Someone check his circadian rhythms.
Nick Pivetta – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.25. Went to look at what the Phillies’ team offense is like to see how serious to take the Padres’ Pivetta start, but that led me to being like, “The Phillies must have the best team ERA in the majors,” and I’m not sure I could’ve been more wrong or would’ve ever guessed which team does have the best ERA. I’ll bet you five imaginary dollars you won’t guess either. Beware the one person in the comments saying the right answer and pretending they didn’t google it.
Dylan Cease – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.62. Cease giving up runs, how about that?
Sal Frelick – 2-for-10 and his 6th homer, hitting .296. Frelick’s a fascinating batted ball profile, because he seems to hit everything roughly 35-feet to 2nd base at approximately 62 MPH, but he has homers.
Joey Ortiz – 1-for-7, 5 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .208. Frelick’s weak contact is only bottomed by Joey Ortiz. They’re both like, “Hold my beer,” for hard contact and they can’t hold the beer because it’s too heavy and they drop the glass.
Isaac Collins – 4-for-5, 2 runs and his 5th homer. [breathes in] Ya smell that? That’s the smell of Grey being happy his lede Buy last week is hitting well.
Christian Yelich – 1-for-7, 2 runs and his 17th homer. Here’s an under-discussed Zombino, who’s been holding his lower back together with Dubble Bubble.
Jackson Chourio – 2-for-9 and his 14th homer. Jack-Chou, God bless you!
Jacob Misiorowski – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.20. Baseball’s so ridiculously hard. Guy’s sitting 103 on the gun, and they’re sitting on it and hitting it 400 feet. Just insane. He had some bad luck, and bad hops. I’m not worried, but if it happens again in his next start, I will be.
Freddy Peralta – 6 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.91 vs. Clay Holmes – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 1 K, ERA at 2.99. Such a great matchup to point out, one guy was drafted in the top 100 and another guy barely in the top 100 of starters, and they’re close to samesies on the Player Rater (as of this writing FreddyKBB was 18th best SP and Holmes was 30th).
Brandon Nimmo – 2-for-9, 4 RBIs and a slam (16) and legs (8). Nimmo going from a zero power, zero speed guy who can hit for a good average to a power/speed/no average guy is one of the weirdest arcs.
Francisco Lindor – 3-for-8, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer. That’s your NL starting shortstop, Lindor! Speaking of which, the starting shortstop for the AL is so crazy. It’s Jacob Wilson. I know online voting has watered down how much it matters if a team attracts large crowds at the stadium, but the A’s were playing in a MiLB park in SacTown and Wilson beat out Witt and Pena, two much more known players in bigger markets. Not saying he’s not deserving either, but who was voting for the rookie from SacTown?
Spencer Steer – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. After his three-homer Friday, I picked him up everywhere I could, but, in the files of Grey Can’t Have Nice Things, Steer didn’t play the 2nd game yesterday, and was seen with a wrap on his hand.
Christian Encarnacion-Strand – 3-for-8, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .206. This guy elicits more tingles in the nethers of fantasy baseballers that is not in any way associated with how much he’s done. [he hits one homer in three weeks] Ooh, should I pick him up?!
Wilyer Abreu – 3-for-7, 1 run, 3 RBIs and a slam (17) and legs (5), but they came in different games yesterday for the Ernie Banks Slam & Legs.
Jake Burger – 0-for-4 as he was activated from the IL. You know I’m red meat hungry for some corner man power.
Nathan Eovaldi – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.75. In one league, I have him and Yamamoto. Pretty good, huh? Yeah, too bad I have freakin’ Grounder Henderson and Yordan!
Marcus Semien – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer, 2nd homer in three games. Semien does really come on in spurts.
Corey Seager – 1-for-4 and his 11th homer, 4th homer in six days. Can’t keep a good, albeit personality-less player down!
Josh Jung – Optioned to the minors. It’s not his fault. Rangers can’t develop anyone, and they absolutely cheated in 2023 to win the World Series.
Tanner Bibee – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.20. Not sure what happened to the Cleveland Starting Pitcher Factory that took up space in the Old Spaghetti Factory, but Bibee and Gavin are leaving a lot to be desired. Gavin’s done-zo, Bibee looks just a tad better.
Lane Thomas – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer, 3rd homer in eight days. Beatles would call that a week.
Carlos Santana – 2-for-4 and his 10th homer. Oye como yay!
Will Warren – 4 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 5.02. Good news is he gave up seven of those runs in the 1st. Bad news is the same as the good news. Mentioned about six weeks ago, I dropped Warren in one league, and I did that because he’s untrustworthy.
Giancarlo Stanton – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Be cool! What if he’s watching me watching him?!
Aaron Judge – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 31st homer. Judge, jury and executioner of balls.
Addison Barger – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and a slam (10) and legs (2). Between Burger and Barger, I just need a Berger, Birger, Borger and Byrger to complete the set.
Davis Schneider – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd and 3rd homer. I’m pretty liberal in my opinions, but I don’t know how cool it is that Schneider runs around the bases with a pack of cigs rolled up in his sleeve.
Jose Berrios – 4 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.64. Had a huge early lead and cruised out to the Ivictory Coast for a free night at the W, but a junta took over the island and none of the toilets worked, so it was flooded with runs.
Randy Arozarena – 2-for-3 and his 12th homer, 2nd homer in two games, fourth homer in three games, and 117th homer in a week! Oh my God! The Rice Bowl is the hottest he’s ever been! [screaming and running through a wall] Anyway, yeah, he’s hot.
Logan Gilbert – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 3.40 vs. Noah Cameron – 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.56. The No-No Wins. An actual no-no? No! It’s No-No Wins!
Mike Yastrzemski – 1-for-5 and his 8th homer. He tends to get into them in bunches like Mr. Chiquita Banana.
Ketel Marte – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer, only one less homer than there were games yesterday. Did you hear? There were 19 games? They should do that every day. And have the season be 18 days long. Then six months of playoffs–wait, that’s NBA.
Bailey Ober – Hit the IL with “we’re gonna say some injury but I promise you it is made-up.” Might be out four to six weeks.
Simeon Woods Richardson – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.41. Grabbed him in a few leagues because Streamonator suggested it, and, thank you, robot.
Janson Junk – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.62. Check out the Junk baller. He has two walks in 37 1/3 IP. That’s very good. His perfs: 8 K/9, 0.5 BB/9, 3.01 xFIP. He’s been kicking it in the minors since 2017, and used to throw 92, but now it’s 94 MPH. He looks like he’s unlocked something, but I can’t say for sure (too small of a sample). Likely just a deep league guy for now, but worth a monocle that there’s a diamond in the Junk.
Kyle Stowers – 2-for-4 and his 15th homer, 4th homer in a week. So funny when people say there’s no such thing as a hot hitter. Yeah, sure, man. Go ask Stowers what he thinks.
Will Smith – 2-for-3 and his 11th homer, 2nd homer in three games. Somebody’s jiggy wit it.
Andy Pages – 1-for-4 and his 17th homer. I really do like Pages, no matter what BDon says.
Clayton Kershaw – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.43. That’s 3 Ks for 3,000 Ks! Kershaw waited until June was over because he knew he was going to be hugging a lot of sweaty men, and didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea. Only two other pitchers recorded 3,000 Ks for one team: Bob Gibson and Walter Johnson. He’s one of four lefties with 3K Ks, and 20th all-time. Kershaw will be the next-to-last guy to record 3,000 Ks. Chris Sale will get there, then no one ever again (because Sale will chase each subsequent pitcher with scissors).
Max Muncy – Turned on the game to see Kershaw record his 3,000th strikeout and instead saw Muncy lose his ACL. Melty face emoji that forgot how to cry because it’s seen too much pain. We will see what the official diagnosis says, but it did not look good.
Brent Rooker – 1-for-5 and his 18th homer. He’s only around the 12th best outfielder on the Player Rater. What a bust!
Max Muncy – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer, 2nd homer in two games. My love for Ma’s Muncy grows, and only mine, apparently.
Mitch Spence – 5 IP, 4 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.06 vs. Ryan Pepiot – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.34. Both of these guys have virtually same peripherals (Pepiot is a bit better), play in minor league parks and I wouldn’t start either indiscriminately without Streamonator.
Jake Mangum – 1-for-4 and his 2nd homer, an inside-the-parker. He makes insanely great contact, and is crazy fast, a .320 hitter with 30-steal speed. Pretty underrated guy who feels like he’s angling for a sleeper post next year. An angler for a Ray? That’s pretty fishy.
Yandy Diaz – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. He had five homers in June and hit .400. That was in 100 ABs. That was 40 hits. That was basic math.
Josh Lowe – 2-for-4 and his 6th homer. Has anyone ever seen Josh Lowe and Brandon Lowe in same place at same time? [finger presses earbud] Yes, apparently, they have.
Jorge Soler – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer. He is the type to get hot and hit 15 homers in a month. Will he? I haven’t a clue, but he could.
Alex Verdugo – Designated for assignment. That assignment is to wait until the Angels call him to become their 5th outfielder.
Didier Fuentes – 3 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 9.00. Kinda useless for fantasy outside of NL-Only. Well, there is one fantasy where he works. Imagine Spartacus’s famous scene when everyone stands and says “I am Spartacus.” Okay, now picture someone question a group of teenage boys in the 1990s about Daisy Fuentes. “I am Diddler Fuentes!” “No, I am Diddler Fuentes!”
Sean Murphy – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 3rd homer since Saturday. Wonder why everything that could go wrong for the Braves has been. If only Murphy had some kind of Law for that.
Matt Olson – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 16th homer, hitting .267. Quietly being the only worthwhile Braves’ hitter not named Acuña.
Marcell Ozuna – 0-for-2. Braves revealed Ozuna has a torn hip on June 3 and going into yesterday he was batting .168/.246/.238, and had one home run in 116 PAs.
Jurickson Profar – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st homer, as he was activated from the “Fernando Tatis Sr. told me this would help with ringworm” list. Profar will either be a clone of Lou-Gu-Ju, who I not-so-secretly love, or the latest hitter who is poisoned by being in the Braves lineup. You must get the elixir from Acuña! He’s the only one who can help you. No, no, no! Don’t borrow Albies’s bat! It’s the poisoned apple!
Spencer Schwellenbach – Hit the IL with a fractured elbow. Schwollenbroch. Brutal news. Can’t easily replace your staff ace. But wait! It gets worse! He hurt himself by throwing with increased velocity. So, next time a pitcher is throwing harder, it’s now a bad thing? Oh, eff me. This injury news is so bad it doesn’t even feel like real life. I feel like the little kid in that early viral video who just returned from the dentist and he’s high on nitrous. I can’t even see straight, staggering around, grasping at straws like someone who wants to murder dolphins.
