I’m writing this as Blake Treinen blows the game. I don’t watch the Dodgers that much because it’s blacked out. Clearly, I don’t watch them as much as the Dodgers’ coaching staff watches them, I’d imagine. So, you’d think they’d know what was going to happen. They had to expect Treinen to suck, no? No wonder Ohtani said he’d be open to working relief in the playoffs. Ohtani is now a pitcher, hitter and manager. The first three-way player! Okay, this isn’t Tumblr so I don’t know why I’m live-blogging. [centers self, takes a deep breath, ohms] So, we have one week left and Emmet Sheehan (7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.86) continues to break out. Will Sheehan be drafted as a top 20 starter? No, but can he be a top 20 starter? Check out Hansel picking up what I’m putting down. He has a 10.7 K/9, 2.7 BB/9 and 3.44 xFIP. Not sure how many innings he can throw next year; he’s at his professional high of 72 1/3 IP, which made me cackle. Nolan Ryan once threw 72 1/3 IP in an extra-innings doubleheader. Sheehan is turning 26 years old in November and never threw 100 IP! Well, whatever the case, his stuff is gorge, command is a little wonky, and of course Treinen gave up his lead! Is Dave Roberts wearing those glasses with the painted-on eyes so he can sleep? Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Will Smith – Dealing with a hairline fracture in his hand. It happened when he slapped Chris Rock.
Trevor McDonald – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, as he made his 1st major league start. Leaving the minors finally, McDonald must be enjoying that sweet freedom, but I don’t know why he’s picking fights with Astros’ Jesus Sanchez saying Jesus is just alright. I do love McDonald’s aggressiveness, coming high and tight on hitters and telling them to listen to the chin music.
Slade Cecconi – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.15. Take into account what Streamonator says, sure, but I will say one thing about this week. Streamonator doesn’t know which teams are still in the hunt and which teams are not. If I had my druthers, and knew what the hell druthers were, I’d want starters on teams going for it. If they start to get hit around, they’ll be pulled fast, and they’ll be playing their best hitters (or at least their best matchups, as far as the managers are concerned).
Logan Allen – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.14, but 4.14 means nothing. Back to my Cecconi druthers.
Pablo Lopez – Hit the IL with a forearm strain. Oh, don’t worry, the MRI showed a fully intact UCL. Right! I’m sure! Everything’s totally fine and he won’t get to the third week of March next year and need Tommy John surgery. Nope! No way!
Joe Ryan – 5 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.47. As I was saying with Cecconi, it goes the opposite for starters on teams going nowhere. They might get pulled early, even if pitching well, because “Who cares?” and if they’re going against a team that’s in the hunt? Woof, watch out. You don’t want “Who cares?” vs. “Needs to win.” Sure, sometimes “Needs to win” loses (see the Tigers or Kershaw’s playoff career), but it’s not an ideal matchup.
Bailey Ober – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 5.32. Enjoy him next year when he has a 1.50 ERA. Just remember to thank all of us. The Ober Sacrifice is not a Creed song, it’s what we endured to make next year possible.
Brooks Lee – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer, and 2nd homer in a week. Be Water could be a schmotato.
Francisco Lindor – 1-for-4 and his 28th homer. Two more for his 2nd 30/30 season! Mean’swhile, Soto was caught stealing and picked off. Kinda wonder if that’s the best use of Soto’s talents on base, but, damn, I wish I had him in a league or five.
Cade Cavalli – 5 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.23 vs. Nolan McLean – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.27. This matchup was billed as, “McLean/Cavalli, which sounds like the worst Weight Watches meal you’ve ever eaten.”
Nasim Nunez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. How bad is the Mets’ bad luck right now? Nasim’s hitting homers and Jacob Young’s doing hacky-sack acrobatics.
Bryan Woo – Day-to-day with pectoral inflammation. One of the best pectoral landscapes I saw was Sydney Sweeney. So, it’s not ideal on Woo, but it’s not, shoulder, elbow, you get the idea. Maybe he can go in the playoffs. No, I’m sorry, not your H2H playoffs. I mean the MLB playoffs. Those dumb things.
George Kirby – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.24. This is a note for December Grey when he’s ranking, the rest of you can move on: Two starts ago, Kirby figured out a new arm slot, and the last two outings have been superb. Check to see what he did in the playoffs, and, if it’s good, talk about it in the rankings, and, if it’s bad, ignore it.
Cal Raleigh – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 58th homer. I say at around 55 homers, you get the bouncy ball. If that bouncy ball was a big ass, it could pick up singles. Nah’mean?
J.P. Crawford – 1-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 12th homer, 2nd homer in a week. Just Peachy is a little bit of a schmotato.
Logan Gilbert – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.43. M’s pitching has been solid, but what’s kinda crazy about their year? They’re doing it with hitting.
Framber Valdez – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.75. This year he’s become a number three starter.
Jason Alexander – 1 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.83. Jason Alexander’s post-Seinfeld career is going great!
Isaac Paredes – 1-for-4 and his 20th homer. Paredes was out for the year, then Yordan was out for the year and Paredes was no longer out for the year. Confused? Really, why?
Andrew Abbott – 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.80. I doff my hat to Abbott for staving off the Regression Fairies all year. What’s his secret, a musk cologne? Spray some of that shizz on Ranger Suarez.
Jameson Taillon – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.78. Streamonator likes his last start of the season, and so do I, if I knew for sure he’d throw 5+. I guess he will, but it’s hard to say with playoff-bound teams.
Giancarlo Stanton – 0-for-0 on Sunday, and his 19th homer on Saturday, and his 450th career homer. He’s gonna end up with, like, 490-something homers, and take 20 years to get into the Hall just to annoy me, isn’t he?
Cam Schlittler – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.27 vs. Kyle Bradish – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.25. This matchup was billed as, “These guys are going to be two examples used by Grey about how much pitching there is after 100th overall in drafts.”
Ben Rice – 4-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 24th homer. Not sure I’d go as far to say it’s more enticing that he has 1st base eligibility next year than catcher, but it sure doesn’t hurt.
Samuel Basallo – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer. Doesn’t Basallo sound like a salad dressing? Hmm, maybe it’s me. “Basallo’s is what Newman’s Own claims to be.” No? “Soup and salad is a’ight when you gots Basallo’s?!” No? Yeah, prolly not.
Brandon Lowe – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 30th homer, and 2nd homer in four games, hitting .258. If I would’ve told you in March Lowe’s going to hit 30 homers and .260, you would’ve been so happy. After, I also told you it wasn’t one of those weird years where Gleyber Torres hits 38 homers.
Joe Boyle – 4 1/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA 4.40. Ah, nice, playing coy so no one overrates you next year. I like how you’re thinking!
Connelly Early – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 1.88. Apparently, I just needed to pick him. Duly noted!
Chris Bassitt – Hit the IL with “resting for the MLB playoffs.” I giggled again thinking about the Mets’ staff presumably telling the commissioner’s office Eppler made them lie about injuries and got him suspended. Talk about hating a guy.
Trey Yesavage – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.00. Streamonator loves his last start of the season, but I don’t know if he’s going to make it or go more than 5 IP.
Wyatt Langford – 1-for-2 and a slam (22) and legs (22). He’s going to be impossible to rank-slash-draft next year. What is he capable of? 35/50. What could he do? 20/20/.240? What do you do with that?
Charlie Morton – Designated for assignment by the Tigers. As they say in the meat department, Chuck’s been grounded.
Spencer Strider – 5 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.45. I could currently shutout the Tigers. You’d think a team built around Wenceel Perez would be better.
Ha-Seong Kim – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Next year everything’s going to go right for the Braves. There’s no way they can have three straight stinkers. Acuña’s going 40/40, Albies 40/15 and Kim will get back with Eminem.
Bubba Chandler – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.56. Will be starting a Go Fund Me in October for the Pirates to sign a hitter. Please give whatever you can. Our goal is $450 million for Kyle Tucker.
Joey Bart – 4-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Hot schmotato alert!
Ivan Herrera – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 17th homer. Will undergo elbow surgery this offseason, and return to catching in Spring Training. Cards have more catchers than a Jamaican has jobs.
Brandon Woodruff – Hit the IL with a lat strain. Don’t worry about them for the playoffs, Brewers can just make Joey Ortiz an ace.
Luis Morales – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.07. About to make a stupid bet on the SacTown A’s to win the 2026 World Series. Join me in stupidity, but wait until I make my bet so the odds don’t get messed up.
Aaron Nola – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 6.46. Maybe he’s the anti-Kershaw, and he’s only good in the playoffs? To find out, I’d send him to Korea and let him try to compete in the KBO playoffs and if those results are good, then bring him back after, say, a couple of years.
Ranger Suarez – 4 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.12. He let Luzardo sneeze on him, huh?
Corbin Carroll – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and a slam (31) and legs (30). That he just stole his 30th bag is so funny. Ohtani doesn’t have 20, after stealing 50+. Josh Naylor and Soto are now speedy middle infielders. Steals, more than anything else, is really just a matter of whether the player wants them.
Tim Tawa – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 7th homer. Phils obviously struggled facing Tawa. It’s where they go to get their ciggies and Tastykake. Tawa’s is their hometown market!
Blaine Crim – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. The only answer for Blaine Crim is Martial Law.
Mike Trout – 1-for-4, 1 run on Sunday, and hit his 22nd homer, and 400th career homer on Saturday. He’s a first ballot Hall of Famer and he’s in the inner circle of the “Can you imagine how good he’d be if he stayed healthy his whole career” with Grady Sizemore and Giancarlo.
Michael King – 5 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 4 Ks, ERA at 3.57. King is short for walking. Lot of people don’t know that.
Fernando Tatis Jr. – 2-for-5 and his 23rd homer. In the stands, a heckler yelled out, and was picked up by the mic, “Fernando, I’ve got a syringe for ya,” right as Tatis connected for his homer. Kinda sweet his dad was in attendance.
