Mets’ conveyor belt of young impressive arms wraps around the world at the Equator, then loops up over South America like two suspenders and the head, Jeremy Hefner, is Canada, and the crotch area is whatever David Peterson’s done the last month and the armpits in New Jersey and Los Angeles (my two homes, aw, heart emojis) are Sean Manaea, but the fresh-faced cheekbones are Jonah Tong in Maine and Nolan McLean in Oregon and I’m letting this metaphor slip away from me, aren’t I? The navel is Tennessee and that’s Clay Holmes and the nose is Edwin Diaz, ahhh, breathe, life, breathe, and this metaphor is completely gone now. The eyes are the window to the soul, there’s Ryan Helsley, because they’re secretly the devil! AHH!!! So, Brandon Sproat aka the tightly-coiffed hair of the Dakotas is being called up for Sunday. In Triple-A this year, he’s thrown 121 IP with a 4.24 ERA and 8.4 K/9 and 3.9 BB/9, and that makes me the least enthused about this Mets’ pitching prospect, and why I’m not picking him up in mixed leagues. Though he is pretty highly touted, even if not always from Itch, who hasn’t featured him this year in any stash lists, because I think the results have been so lackluster. In the preseason, Itch said, “At 6’3” 215 lbs, Sproat is strong and balanced throughout his delivery, which has helped him to develop command of his impressive arsenal, highlighted by a mid-90’s fastball that plays well up in the zone and pairs well with his cutter, slider and changeup, all solid pitches in their own right. The curveball would allow him to play in four velocity bands with five trajectories, but three and four are probably enough for him to thrive if his command keeps coming along. Might be best to just shelve the curve for now, and I’d like to hit Grey in the head with an Ikea shelf.” What on earth? Speaking of earths, Sproat might be one of the armpits of Jersey and LA. Hmm, I need to redraw the map of my mind metaphor. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Kodai Senga – With Sproat coming up, the presumption is Kodai’s being Seng’d down.
Francisco Alvarez – Will be activated today from the IL. He has a fractured finger, wrist, ankle, two ball joints sticking out of his shoulders that need to be re-covered in skin, and someone did the “got ya nose” to him that has him in a bad place mentally. But he’s back, baby!
Jordan Hicks – Placed on the IL with “we don’t have any idea what is wrong with you but something is wrong with you.”
Ryan Pepiot – 5 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 2 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.59. The five-inning no-hitter in under 100 pitches is so funny to me. All I can do is imagine Nolan Ryan shooting the ticker on the bottom of his TV every time it scrolls past. Every fifteen minutes: BANG! Pepiot is a Streamonator with champagne wishes. He sounds like he’s better; his ERA is better; he throws five-inning no-hitters, but his peripherals are pretty standard.
Logan Allen – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.46. “Hey, what did I do?” That’s Logan Allen seeing Nolan Ryan shoot the TV when his team’s highlights come up. It’s not you, man!
Jose Ramirez – 2-for-4 and his 27th homer. Manzardo’s been fine, I guess, but the Guardians are the most throwback team where there’s one star and zippo any other guys. The Ernie Banks’ Cubs.
Kyle Manzardo – 1-for-2 and his 25th homer. Call him Ron Santo.
Freddy Peralta – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.50. That makes it 29 consecutive scoreless innings for FreddyKBB. Orel Hershiser can stay asleep for another 20 innings, but the Brewers’ all-time leader better start stirring. At 32 innings scoreless, the Brewers record holder is the incomparable Teddy Higuera. Teddy set the record in 1987, after a superb 1986. Those 80’s Brewers teams were special. Put Cecil Cooper in the Hall of Fame!
Ranger Suarez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.89. His line made me do a little digging to see which team had the best starters’ ERA, because I figured it was Philly or the Brewers (their opponent), and it was not. Brewers and Phillies were 2nd and 3rd, respectively. The best team is guessable, I suppose, especially if you’ve been mind-melding with Baseball Reference or have an upcoming interview at Elias Sports Bureau and you’re cramming. The number one team is number one by a lot too.
Luis Rengifo – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy column–I’m kidding! This is the first thing he’s done all season. I know it says eight homers, but trust me, it’s his first. And he has 250 caught stealings.
Kyle Hendricks – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, zero Ks, ERA at 4.81. If it’s any consolation, if you started him, he would’ve gave up 7 ER in 4 IP.
Seth Lugo – Hit the Ineffective List with a made-up injury, because he’s been ineffective for the last month, that’s how the Ineffective List works.
Noah Cameron – 5 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners (5 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA at 3.03. Five walks is an eek. 10 baserunners is an eek. Three runs in five innings is a meh. Five Ks is a meh. To quote Judy Jetson, Eek-Eek-Meh-Meh.
Salvador Perez – 1-for-3 and his 24th homer. His year has been perfectly respectable for a catcher and maybe he does it for another five years, but this year feels like the last year before the huge cliff nosedive.
Adam Frazier – 1-for-3 and his 6th homer. In case you lost track of Adam Frazier, he’s currently between Pirates stints. He’ll be back there next April.
Vinnie Pasquantino – 2-for-3 and his 29th homer. Pasketti with the twirl of a bat like he’s picking up the sketti!
Bobby Witt Jr. – 1-for-3 and his 21st homer. Maybe I’m crazy, but I get the sense Witt’s going to be more affordable next year. Not crazy so, maybe at six or seven overall, but I’m so in wherever it is.
Carlos Rodon – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.12. It doesn’t make his stats better, but he gets an Ali G respek when I see he threw 109 pitches.
Jazz Chisholm Jr. – Left with two knee contusions. How does one get both knees knocked? Incredible, just when I think he’s headed for a 30/30 season.
Ryan McMahon – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 19th homer. Nineteen homers from one of the worst hitters in the majors is truly inspiring. You can do anything you put your mind to!
Trent Grisham – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 30th homer. Well, yes, as a leadoff hitter. When you see what the Yanks’ leadoff slot can do for a player, you never unsee it. It’s like the first time you realize Michael Caine is just “my cocaine.”
Spencer Arrighetti – Unlikely to return during the regular season. What about during the H2H playoffs? Hmm?
Yordan Alvarez – 4-for-5, 2 run, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Back to back four-hit nights, and a home run…Aw shucks, I’m toying with calling him Captain Woo Cubano again. I’m such a pushover!
Cristian Javier – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.43. See what I’m about to say for Pablo Lopez and think about it with Javier.
Pablo Lopez – Will start for the Twins today. Pab-Lo sneaking back before the end of the season, ready for the playoffs (of 2026). Not a fan of going with pitchers who have been injured for most of the season, so I’d use caution.
Taj Bradley – 5 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.92. Damn, he stopped looking at scouting reports again.
Ryan Jeffers – Removed from the game after taking a melon ding. He will be treated for fluttering birds circling his head.
Kody Clemens – 2-for-5 and his 15th homer. Dude is such a better hitter than his dad.
Matt Wallner – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 21st homer. He was last week’s lede Buy, who will be this week’s?! Haha, you’ll never know! Unless you return here around noon PST.
Kyle Teel – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs and a slam (6) and legs (3), 2nd homer in two games, and he will be mentioned in this afternoon’s Buy column. Oh, what a joy!
Colson Montgomery – 1-for-2, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 17th homer. All 17 homers have been in the 2nd half! Only Kyle Schwarber has more 2nd half homers.
Paul Skenes – 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.98. When he turns 30, Skenes is gonna have such a bad-ass, three-month season on the Dodgers before he needs Tommy John surgery.
Mookie Betts – and his 15th homer. Mookie Best! Well, Mookie Mid!
Blake Snell – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.19. This start was vs. the Pirates. Snell ya later! Though, the Pirates did sweep the Dodgers. Shows you how much spending money matters. The topper will be when we hear Snell is actually injured and won’t make his next start.
Alexis Diaz – Designated for assignment. His assignment is to make a time machine out of a DeLorean and go back three years. Or, I guess, his stuff might play back in the 80’s.
Will Smith – Wil undergo a CT scan on his hand, and unlikely to play this weekend. Dodgers grabbed Ben Rortvedt to back up Rushing. Sounds like he’s a halfback! Huh?! Pretty good, right? No, seriously, did that make sense? Any hoo! This weekend begins the fantasy football season and be the best friend I’ve ever had and grab our fantasy football tools.
