I asked ChatGPT this great philosophical question, “If mom says don’t play ball in the house, and when she said it she was in the Brady House, and Brady House plays ball, is he making mom mad?” ChatGPT didn’t say anything in return, but smoke rose from its robot ears and started sputtering. I defeated the AI Monster. By the way, I had a great idea, it’s artificial intelligence but instead of AI it’s Ayo, and the robot has a stereotypical Italian accent. Can I get on Shark Tank please? So, on Monday it was a crazy roundup. It started as a lede for the 15-strikeout start from Grant Holmes, then it went to Brady House for his call-up, then Devers was traded. I know y’all have the attention of Labradoodle that got into the Pixie Stix, so House was likely lost. Well, let’s not foreclose on a top prospect being called up. Itch just gave you his latest prospect stash list, and Brady House was third, saying, “He’s second in the International League with 13 home runs, slashing .303/.352/.522 despite a 27.1 percent strikeout rate, and I’m laying in wait for Grey to return home.” What on earth? So, Brady has 70-grade power, and is right there with Nick Kurtz and The Italian Caglianone. Currently, I’d put him third of those three, but that order could change quickly. Brady House should not be ignored in any league where you need power, even if the Brady House is in the Valley. I think Studio City. [shudders] Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Gary Sanchez – Catchers this week were a ragtag group of misfit baseball players. Call them the Bad News Bears. Did I just make up that expression? Hmm, shame Google stopped working earlier this year.
Casey Schmitt – Is it good or bad that the first thing I think of with a player is their nuts? I’m gonna say bad, but this might be subjective. Any hoo! Schmitt’s been hot. Less “any hoo”ish, Chapman will return in a couple of weeks and kill all his playing time.
Michael Toglia – Just gave you my Michael Toglia fantasy. It was written while sipping a Mai Tai.
Josh H. Smith – We know he’s hot, so allow me an opportunity to say, if anyone is reading this that uses their middle initial like Josh H. Smith, don’t. You’re asking too much of other people. We have time for a first and last name. You wanna use your middle initial, then do it in the morning when you’re addressing yourself in the mirror. Don’t be asking that of us. Thanks for your consideration in this matter.
Alec Burleson – If he does what we (me) expected of him for the final 57% of the season, you’ll be glad you picked him back up and let him hit that 57 on your team as he ketches up.
Gavin Sheets – Been a while since I checked in on Sheets’s Statcast so I did a check-in and he’s holding early-season gains. Reminds me a bit of what Jurickson Profar did last year. Hey, whatever happened with that guy? Also, why is Fernando Tatis Sr. talking with Sheets?
Abraham Toro – This whole buy column is like six degrees of separation from Rafael Devers. With Rafael telling Beantown, “Farts ya later,” Toro should have the majority of 1st base playing time (with Romy), and has been hitting well. Speaking of Rafael Devers, and I didn’t feel like making another whole blurb for him, Dom Smith has been hot too.
Jeff McNeil – Checked his Statcast to see if he’s made any dramatic improvements. Looks like McNeil is squirreling up the ball more.
Mauricio Dubon – Usually my cut-off for this post is $12 on the 7-day Player Rater, and he clears that by a lot. Is he good in general? If you get a Duboner for longer than four hours, call your doctor.
Luis Rengifo – Between him and Burleson being hot this week, I’m discovering why some of my terrible teams are doing a dead cat bounce.
Brooks Lee – Because I was at Statcast for Sheets, I stayed there for McNeil and Lee, and there’s 30 seconds of my life I won’t get back. Brooks Lee has been hot, so don’t take this the wrong way, but he’s an incredibly average hitter. And not “average” like Jacob Wilson, not even as in Average White Band, though they did have one song, Nothing You Can Do, and that could be about Lee’s ability to hit the ball hard.
Max Muncy – This is Ma’s Muncy, but if you’re old school like an old fool, Max Muncy from LA is solid too. Also, just gave you my Ma’s Muncy fantasy.
J.P. Crawford – Is there any truth that his name is Joan P. Crawford and likes when people throw him hangers? Yes, that is accurate.
Javier Baez – Just looked up on the Player Rater where he was, and it was above Ketel Marte. Zoinks!
Ryan McMahon – Would be hesitant to start McMahon outside of Coors, and his splits are so hilarious that, if I were him, I wouldn’t even bother to travel with the team on the road. Come up with some shizz like you’re scared of flying, man. Prorating his home stats to 500 at-bats: 35/100/.290. Prorating his away stats to 500 at-bats: 9/30/.150. I wish I were joking. “He’s not!” Mr. Prorater screams as he smashes through my wall. Damn, Mr. Prorater, stop Kool Aid Man’ing through my walls! “Sorry, was excited.”
Ramon Urias – Do you want to celebrate Roman Anthony and his Roman Empire or Urias and his Ramon Empire? If you chose Ramon, then this Buzzfeed quiz says you’re a thrill-seeker who “ain’t exactly working with a full deck.”
Max Kepler – In a roundup about ten days ago, I said Kepler is the type to get crazy hot and you should grab him. I did, and he’s been.
Cam Smith – The Rise of the Zombino is meant for older players, but, eff it, rise, Cam, rise!
Wenceel Perez – If anyone would’ve told me in March I’d mention Wenceel Perez two weeks in a row in June, I would’ve called them a liar, and we would’ve fought with me losing badly.
Evan Carter – Almost same as Kepler. I do think Carter could have longer term appeal, but we won’t know that until we get, uh, longer term? You know what I’m saying. Grab him now and see if it continues, that’s what I say.
Dane Myers – Ya know where he’s been great to roster? NL-Only leagues. Know where he’s been less great? Mixed leagues. Know where he’s been awful to roster? AL-Only. Are you even paying attention? It’s wrong league!
Mickey Moniak – Didja know he works at Mr. Cacciatore’s down on Sullivan Street? It’s across from the medical center.
Jake Mangum – A lot of the guys I look at for this post give me this feeling, “Meh, he sucks, but he’s at least hot now,” but Mangum’s stats were actually interesting. Next to no strikeouts, hits for a great average, and has 30-steal speed. He’s even a switch-hitter to avoid obvious platoons, though Cash will find a way, I’m sure.
Dustin May – This is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to Apple Care.
Landen Roupp – This is also a Streamonator call. “Is Siri spoken for?”
Orion Kerkering – Ya know, they likely didn’t talk about the Curse of the Bambino until it was already a couple of decades in, so we’re still too soon to talk about this, but soon books will be written about, The Curse of Brad Lidge. Something happened when the Phils lost Lidge in 2011 and they’ve never recovered. Every month for almost 15 years they’ve changed their closer. This month it is Kerkering. Next month? It could be you!
Jason Adam – Robert Suarez seems to be imploding right in front of our eyes. If you’re the stashing type, now’s the time to be stashing.
Raisel Iglesias – Braves’ bullpen is a bit like this [points to a toilet that hasn’t been flushed] Do you see what I’m saying? Dylan Lee has been the best, but Snitker is not using him as the closer. So, I guess Raisel or even Pierce Johnson could get saves. Or the Frankencloser, Dyaisel Johnlee, which sounds like a character in a Tarantino movie played by Walton Goggins.
Tommy Kahnle – Will Vest is currently nursing a toe, which sounds like he’s sucking on one and — speaking of Tarantino! — any hoo, Kahnle could see some saves, but Vest does seem okay, avoiding the IL.
Mark Leiter Jr. – His ERA has been a little iffy, due to seem ill-timed homers allowed, but the numbers under the hood look pretty gorgeous. Bet Al Leiter wishes he named Jack Leiter Mark Leiter Jr., huh?
SELL
Freddy Peralta – My name is Grey Albright, and I am 100% a hater. I have hate flowing through my heart. My therapist says if she rids me of hate, I will cease to exist, so she leaves 50% of the hate so I continue on. She said, “You’re welcome.” I think she was being sarcastic. Wait, is she also a hater? Hmm…So, as much as I like to be a hater, I, uh, hate this Sell. I’m pretty pot-committed to FreddyKBB and don’t want to see him become garbage. Don’t inhabit the garbage. Shield your eyes, FreddyKBB, from The Garbage. You must avoid your destiny! Move away from The Garbage! Sadly, I don’t know if my pleading is going to help. He’s pitching worse than his ERA by a lot, and being lucky. I hope he doesn’t lay in the compactor and allow The Garbage to envelop him, but that is a very real possibility. Wouldn’t trade Freddy Peralta for a hit of herbal ecstasy made from bat guano, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.
