To quote one of the great poets of our time, as Pitbull said, “Hello, my name is not Mr. Right…” Something-something for a few lines then, “…But Imma be your Mr. Right Now. Right now, right now, right now….” Mr. Bull is exactly right (now). All that is right for, uh, now in fantasy baseball is right now. If you’re wondering about what a guy did in August or what he can do in another two weeks, you are doing mental gymnastics that you should avoid. You are not Simone Biles of the brain. Stop and think about Mr. Bull, you just need Mr. Right Now, which brings me to: Otto Kemp. He was near the top of the 7-day Player Rater, and is playing every day. That’s what we need right now, Mr. Bull! Put aside all your personal feelings about how you paid a first round price for Grounder Henderson! Forget that Elly De La Cruz has become Adam Frazier with speed. Don’t remind me that Ceddanne Rafaela is so-danne boring! Let me fly with a hot waiver wire pickup as we careen towards the season’s final week. Be a constipated Mr. Bull and stop the bullcrap! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! If you or anyone you know has breathed in a coal oven, you might be eligible for compensation with the best pizza anyone’s ever tasted–Wait, that’s not right. Oh, right: Fantasy Hockey is kicking off! Fantasy Basketball is spiraling out of control (in a good way) with Fantasy Basketball Rankings, and every week we have multiple people giving you Fantasy Football Rankings. Finally, this post was released early on Patreon, as will the 2026 rankings after I write them. Anyway II, the Buy/Sell:
BUY
Tyler Stephenson – My autocorrect changed his name to Tyler Stepson, and I kinda want to call him that forever. Who’s been hot? Tyler Stephenson. Who bought me cologne from CVS for Xmas? Tyler Stepson!
Patrick Bailey – PB & J is the Giants’ catching tandem of Patrick Bailey and Knizner, as in PB is for Patrick Bailey and J is for what you’re smoking if you’re starting Knizner.
James McCann – Raleigh is Big Dumper and McCann is my private property, do not touch.
Kody Clemens – His inclusion might be mostly because of his huge three-homer game last week. “Might” is lifting 600-pound barbells over its head.
Sal Stewart – Already gave you my Sal Stewart fantasy. It was written while telling my therapist, “You should really validate me. Uh, parking.”
Thomas Saggese – He’s been hot, so take what I’m about to say with a grain of salt. Cards should get more criticism for how they develop hitters. They regularly have guys come up who are supposed to be special who look incredibly lost: Winn, Walker, Gorman, Nootbaar, Saggese…Not to mention all the guys they traded away recently who have excelled elsewhere. Saggese went 26/12/.306 in the minors in 2023 as a 21-year-old! Where is any of that?
J.P. Crawford – Kinda funny thing (not funny at all) is there’s certain guys like Crawford who are meh in drafts, then we spend so much time in-season talking and thinking about them because they get hot for a week here and there and are always available.
Chase Meidroth – Fun fact! He is not a high school QB in a crop top. That’s Chase Midriff.
Jose Caballero – It truly is funny how Caballero sat behind Volpe with a busted shoulder for almost six weeks, and Caballero started playing and almost immediately became a top 10 shortstop for fantasy, because of his steals.
Harrison Bader – Case to be made that the best lineup spot in baseball is hitting in front of Schwarber. Between there, in front of Judge and where? Maybe in front of Raleigh. Arozarena has seen 31.4% fastballs, easily highest of his career. Any hoo! Bader’s excelled in front of Schwarber, since Trea’s been out.
Will Benson – Been hot, but not entirely sure where Benson is playing. Maybe Nick at Nite?
Daylen Lile – Just gave you my Daylen Lile fantasy. It was written while exploring the Arctic.
Parker Meadows – This is about this year, and Meadows has been hot, but, I gotta be honest, he’s gonna be a hard guy to not write a sleeper post for again next year. I won’t because I refuse to write sleeper posts in back-to-back years, but Meadows has such an enticing blend of speed and power.
Bailey Ober – This is a Streamonator call like the one it makes to the YMCA.
Yu Darvish – This is also a Streamonator call. “Is there a YRCA for robots?”
Keegan Akin – Been getting saves for the O’s, so that’s all you need to know here, and I won’t go on to tell you that the O’s have better sign a closer this offseason or they’re going to be in for another long year because Keegan is not Akin to a great closer.
Bryan Abreu – Shows you so much of what makes a great closer is opportunity. If Abreu was a closer since 2022, he’d be on his way to a huge career. Instead, he’s considered a solid middle reliever who happens to be getting saves right now. Why do I sound like the guy arguing his arbitration this offseason?
Andrew Kittredge – Brad Keller, Caleb Thielbar, Porter-Psyche! You thought I was really gonna say grab Porter Hodge? What am I joke to you? Am I some kind of imbecile who needed google to spell imbecile and google returned search results to buy a mirror–Hey! What’s the big idea?
SELL
Everyone – Stop looking for an “everyone” on your fantasy team. Everyone isn’t a person, it’s everyone. Keanu, “Whoa.” You can’t wait for some phantom hot streak that may or may not come. I’d drop everyone this final week-plus if they’re not performing. This is also a drop for all starting pitchers on any teams that have already made the playoffs and might only see a few innings in the next week. In general, I can’t imagine any playoff-bound starter getting more than five innings. This final week is uncharted territory and on maps it’s named: Not-Just-Kevin-Cash-Is-Yanking-Starters-Before-70-Pitches-Land. It’s between the Arabian Sea and H2Hplayoffsistan. There’s no time to wait! You need to do whatever it takes to win your league! Don’t be afraid of success! Be the hero you always dreamt yourself to be! Be a bright, shining star who is able to win a fantasy baseball league! Be the man you see when you look in the reflection of your computer screen while your fantasy team page is loading!
