Janson Junk? Call Sanford & Son because I accidentally threw away the wrong Junk! To the tune of any folk song, “Take this Bibee off my hands and give me that Junk. Enjoy this Pfaadt one, I’ll take the Junky one. Please let my pain Cease and take Dylan. I’ll take your Junk.” Spoken word chorus, “Handsome Junk, as they called me in the gym locker room the one time I went, is what Janson’s dealing.” And back in, “Take my Sorokas, take me Megills, please Lord take my Raganses. Leave me your Junk on garbage day. And put up a parking lot.” So, Janson Junk (6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.12) was anything but. He’s working with incredible command, only two walks coming into this game, where he doubled that total. Still an under walk per nine ratio, and only needs around a 6 K/9 to make that work, but that’s near 7.5. This feels a bit out of nowhere, so not sure it lasts, but it’s hard to argue with the results. “Take my sweet, sweet Snells and Glasnows, leave me with your Junk, you stupid hunk…” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Agustin Ramirez – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. He was removed for defensive purposes and, if I may, oh, eff off. Marlins are going nowhere, just let him get at-bats, you stunods.
Brady Singer – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.32. Streamed him in a few leagues, didn’t feel great about it, and happy to just get a meh start. Thank you for meh!
Chase Dollander – Optioned to Triple-A Al Albuquerque. Rockies want him to work on not being on the Rockies.
Richard Fitts – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.28. Dick Fitts vs. Colorado? That’s how you get your Rox off! He was a Streamonator call, as is anyone vs. the Rockies.
Roman Anthony – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. At some point it is going to click and he’s going to be a top 20 player for the next five to seven years.
Romy Gonzalez – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 4th homer, hitting .500-ish in July, and hit .300 in June with three homers and a steal. What did you say, that’s better than Jarren Duran? Woof, truth hurts.
Ceddanne Rafaela – 1-for-4 and his 12th homer, 3rd homer in three games. Okay, he’s actually become Duran, and that’s not cool. They should take a poll of Duran’s fantasy owners before doing something like that.
Shane Baz – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.34. Wonder how long until Baz is moved to “whatever role it is they’re calling Rasmussen’s.” In fact (Grey’s got more!), the entire Rays’ rotation, except Pepiot, seems ready for the Rasmussen Role That Is Undefined.
Keider Montero – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.77. Not great, despite ERA, i.e., Later, Keider; en un rato, Montero.
Javier Baez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. Tigers are so sneaky good that Baez is hitting 9th and I tried to figure out how to move him up and I ended up just shrugging. I’m “he’s the 2nd leadoff hitter” pilled.
Zach McKinstry – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer, as he hits 3rd. Was asked about him yesterday vs. Albies and I went to the 30-day Player Rater to make sure I wasn’t losing my mind, and I wasn’t, McKinstry was around top 50 overall on the 30-day Player Rater. Also, on that Player Rater, you have all the stats from every hitter for the last 30 days. (There’s a separate one for pitchers.)
Colt Keith – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 7th homer, hitting .264. He’s a two-homer, .270-hitting guy each month. That is the definition of yawnstipating. Sorry, hate to be breakin’ it to Cool Colt Keith.
Tommy Pham – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Was hitting leadoff yesterday to give the Pirates more opportunities to showcase him for a trade–excuse me, I mean, try to win games.
Andrew Heaney – 3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.41. Pretty sure every time I start him for a two-start week he does doodie. That’s the technical term for it: Doodie.
Vinnie Pasquantino – 1-for-4 and his 15th homer, 3rd homer this week. If he ends up at 25 homers and a .280 average, it’s hard to argue with it. Yes, it’s hard to argue with numbers, in general. “You dumb number twelve!” That’s me yelling at a number.
Noah Cameron – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.56. Settled in nicely like a two-story Shaker house. Or settled in like Sandy Duncan on The Hogan Family. Or settled in like Ordinary by Alex Warren at number one in the Top 100. There’s one for each generation. As I said when he was first called up, his solid command helps Cameron play everywhere, and should avoid blow ups.
Salvador Perez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .238. Sal P. putting some cheese on it!
Bobby Witt Jr. – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer. Currently working on the top 100 for the 2nd half that’ll come out next week (and this Friday on Patreon) and that had me looking back at preseason ranks, and the number one pick overall is always cursed. Witt’s been fine, but not “number one fine.”
Corey Seager – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .250. There’s still time for him to fix his season with a huge 2nd half. Am I mostly just trying to do wishcasting? Yes.
Shelby Miller – Hit the IL with a strained forearm. [puts a pillow over face, screams curses into it] Okay, I’m fine now. Actually, one more thing, he had a 1.98 ERA and a strained forearm?! I thought strained forearms came with awful pitching for a month, then the IL stint. Guess we got off easy. Lowercase yay! The lousy thing is there’s no obvious replacement. Onto the next blurb!
Kevin Ginkel – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 9.00, and his 2nd save. DBags lost Puk and Justin Martinez already, and now turn their lonely eyes to. Dot dot dot. Kevin Einhorn Ginkel/Ginkel Einhorn? I guess so. Also, there is Kyle “Larger than the Cactus” Backhus? Or Trading Places’ Beeks? Or how about John Curtiss? He added the 2nd S on his last name to sound more like a Diamondback. True story, I picked up Ginkel, saw he had a 9 ERA and dropped him for Curtiss, who I might drop today since Ginkel got the save. Am I going back to Ginkel? No, not in a 12-teamer. It’s not worth the saves for me.
Zac Gallen – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 5.15. That’s two straight solid starts, after a month-plus of awfulness. If he was dropped in your league, I could see trying him again, but his underlying numbers aren’t exactly saying he was getting unlucky.
Josh Naylor – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (11) and legs (11). Check out Mr. OCD!
Yu Darvish – 3 2/3 IP, 2 ER as he was activated from the IL. Not sure what to expect from Yu. Some days, you’re all happy you get to bask in my giant medulla oblongata, and other days you’re like, “You have a big stupid face.” Wait, Yu Yu?! Oh, ignore what I said. Actually, I don’t know what to expect from Yu Darvish either. He’s never really had a bad year as peripherals go, and, while he’s old, if he’s free off waivers, what the heck? Go for it! Would likely wait until he pitched well before starting him though.
Manny Machado – 3-for-5 and his 15th homer. He reached his 2,000th career hit yesterday. 2,001 was the homer. 2,002 will be double; 2,003 will be an infield single–Okay, I’m not going to tell you all of them.
Nathan Lukes – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Nathan Lukes sounds like a cheesesteak place and he’s on Toronto, so can’t mess with the incongruity. I need my shizz tight and congruous. You mess up my feng, I shui your ass.
Joey Loperfido – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer, he was called up with Gimenez hitting the IL the other day. Do they play the same position? Not really, what’s it to you? Sorry, I hear a nice Italian boy like Joey Loperfido and Jersey comes out in me. Loperfido went 6/10/.278 in Triple-A. In the majors, he’s mostly just a 3/3/.220 guy, struggling with Ks, in the next two to three weeks, until he proves us different.
Addison Barger – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, and 3rd homer in a week. You can wait until he cools off, but that’s likely not the best way to play this shizz.
Jose Berrios – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.53. This start was vs. Shite Sox, so keep your oohs and aahs, and you can close your mouth, I saw your caveats.
Jose Ramirez – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 15th homer, 2nd homer in four games. Ya know, Witt’s disappointed a bit, but he’s way above Jo-Ram on the Player Rater. Cust kayin’.
Tanner Bibee – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.35. Yeah, he’s just not right. Hasn’t been all year. It makes me mad, so I also have an ulcer.
Christian Walker – Placed on the paternity list. I know he ain’t get me pregnant with his stats.
Victor Caratini – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a homer. Guess how many homers he has. Go ahead! A wild guess! Sal Perez has 11, so what does Caratini have? Five? Maybe Six? He has nine! What even!
Isaac Paredes – 1-for-4 and his 19th homer, 2nd homer in four games. We are Mermen, because we love a Paredes.
Cristopher Sanchez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.59. I continue to be flabbergasted by how good the Phils’ rotation is. I am gasted of flabber!
Orion Kerkering – 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 2.83. How’d it been a month already since the Phils changed closers?
Landen Roupp – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.39. Streamonator hates his next, but I’m starting him for his two-start week, so whee!
Tyler Fitzgerald – Optioned to Triple-A. If only they had an AAAA team to option him to.
Casey Schmitt – 1-for-3, 1 RBI as he was activated from the IL. Think there could be something here if he returns as hot as when he left. Worth a monocle or preemptive grab.
Tyler Glasnow – Will return on Wednesday. Oh, nice, just in time to bump Emmet Sheehan. I kid. I think.
Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.77. Oh, wow, Dodgers using him as an Opener too, I see. Here comes a made-up injury to Yamamoto in 3, 2, 1…
James Outman – 1-for-4 as he was recalled with Enrique Hernandez hitting the IL. Dave Roberts said, “Whatever we can do to keep that .350-hitting Kim guy on the bench.” Dave Roberts might hate Kim more than Eminem.
Freddy Peralta – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.74. Freddy being fingered! As an ace. Sorry, weird placement for an exclamation mark.
Christian Yelich – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer. Member when he was always ranked in the preseason with Bellinger, but then Cody went to the Yanks, so, of course, Cody would be taken before Yelich? Oops.
Andrew Vaughn – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer, as he was recalled. Brewers were like, “Who’s that guy we got for Civale? I wanna say Mo Vaughn, but I’m sure that was someone else.” Then someone else was like, “Andrew,” and the Brewers were like, “Mo Andrew? That doesn’t ring a bell.”
